Quite a few jokes xD

(Most likely only Canadians will fully understand this one but its still funny =p.)

Each Friday night after work, sun, snow or rain, Jack, being a Newfie, would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a moose steak.

But, all of Jack's neighbors were Catholic. And since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled moose steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest.

The priest came to visit Jack , and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Jack attended Mass. As the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said: "You were born a Protestant and raised a Protestant, but now you are a Catholic."

Jack's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived and the wonderful aroma of grilled moose filled the
neighborhood.

The priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and, as
he rushed into Jack's yard clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.

There stood Jack clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted: "You wuz born a moose, you wuz raised a moose, but now you
is a Codfish."

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Rod, Ted and Billy were best friends. The three men always did everything together.
One day, Rod got caught in a fire in his apartment and died. His body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body so, of course, they sent for his two best friends, Ted and Billy.

Ted arrived first and when the mortician pulled back the sheet Ted said, 'Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.'

The mortician rolled him over and Ted said, 'Nope, ain't Rod ..'

The mortician thought this was rather strange.

So he brought Billy in to confirm the identity of the body. Billy looked at the body and said, 'Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over.'

The mortician rolled him over and Billy said, 'No, it ain't Rod'

The mortician asked, 'How can you tell?'

Billy said, 'Well, Rod had two assholes.'

'What? He had two assholes?' asked the mortician.

'Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say: 'There's Rod with them two assholes.'

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A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the
other of the afterlife.
Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife.
After a long life together, the husband was the first to die..
True to his word, he made the first contact,
Elizabeth .....':
'Is that you, Steve?'
'Yes, I've come back like we agreed.'
That's wonderful!
What's it like?'
'Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex.
I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course.
I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more
times.
Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens) another romp around the
golf course,
then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon.
After supper, it's back to the golf course again.
Then it's more sex until late at night.
I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over
again.'

'Oh, Steve you surely must be in heaven!'
'Not exactly ..
I'm a rabbit on a golf course in Arkansas.'

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After a long night of making love, the guy notices a photo of another man,
on the woman's nightstand by the bed. He begins to worry.
'Is this your husband?' he nervously asks.
'No, silly,' she replies, snuggling up to him.

'Your boyfriend, then?' He continues.
'No, not at all,' she says, nibbling away at his ear.

'Is it your dad or your brother?' he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
'No, no, no! You are so hot when you're jealous!' she answers.

'Well, who in the heck is he, then?' he demands.
She whispers in his ear 'That's me before the surgery.'

All for now hehe. Hope to get some laughs!